Disclaimer: This article is a fake. I wrote it for those with a warped sense of humor.
Beginning on December 7th, radio stations across Canada, and the United States will no longer play Christmas music, due to several complaints from social justice warriors.
The FCC will fine any American radio station that plays Christmas music, $5,000. Meanwhile, the CRTC will fine any Canadian radio station that plays Christmas music, $10,000.
Here are some of the Christmas songs that will be banned as of December 7th, and why.
White Christmas – Apparently, this song is racist. This is despite the fact this song is about snow.
All I Want for Christmas Is You – Social justice warriors have criticized this song for promoting patriarchy. How does this song promote patriarchy?
Baby, It’s Cold Outside – “What’s in this drink?” “Baby, don’t hold out.” These two lyrics are enough to get this song banned.
Frosty The Snowman – This song will be banned because it doesn’t include a snow woman and a non-binary snow person.
We Wish You a Merry Christmas – Social justice warriors have banned this song because it doesn’t say happy holidays.
Even though the FCC and the CRTC have decided to ban Christmas music all together, there are some Christmas songs that nobody has complained about. These songs include “Gramma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, and “Dear Santa Claus, Go Fuck Yourself” by Bubbles and the Shit Rockers.